Europe

by

“Sudden death syndrome”

Alexi Navalnay’s mother has been told that her son died of “sudden death syndrome” (SDS). Alexi would appear to be the latest victim of what seems to be an a growing epidemic of this unexplained cause of morbidity.

It appears that genetics may play a part as it seems to be mainly Russians who suffer from it although there have been non-Russian cases also.

Those researching the disease have noticed it seems to be related to those with an underlying case of “democracy” which itself appears to be quite a healthy syndrome. In fact it is estimated that there are millions of Russians infected with this but do not exhibit any systems publicly and can thus live to a ripe old age.

The problems begin when individuals present with outward signs of democracy. This seems to mark the onset of SDS which, initially may not be fatal. Those with limited symptoms who occasionally parade them in public can suddenly be struck down with severe pains to their back, head and other parts of their body which some have described as like being beaten with a base ball bat.

Others who have gathered together with fellow sufferers have complained of a severe burning sensation in their eyes and nose leading to real difficulty breathing. Often this is accompanied by the pains mentioned above.

Victims who exhibit persistent symptoms of democracy are often taken to local treatment centres and treated with electric shocks and cold baths. This sometimes works although it may leave the victim with long term medical and mental issues and an inability to secure employment. Ironically, in many cases the treatment can lead to an even more virulent version of democracy.

The most unfortunate cases are those where their infection becomes widely known and they become a real focus for the spread of the disease. These individuals are taken to remote, specialist treatment centres. The centres are often in very cold climates presumably as part of the process of attempting to contain the disease. Sometimes individuals need to be kept in total isolation so as to prevent the possibility of cross contamination with other patients or indeed staff at the facility.

It is when individuals exhibit these advanced symptoms of democracy that they become at risk of SDS. At this point the pathology becomes completely baffling as it seems the final step can be triggered by the most mundane of events. Those recorded to date include: catching ones leg on an umbrella, drinking a cup of tea, opening the front door of ones home and various versions of lead poisoning. Some sufferers seem to have to take matters into their own hands by blowing themselves up in their cars or leaping out of apartment windows.

Victims can be struck down in their homes or in the street, within Russia or abroad. They seem to often be subject to an attack in a pubic space, say, somewhere like outside the Kremlin in Moscow.

Occasionally a victim will exhibit symptoms but survive the initial episode. Following this they may be subject to forced removal to a special facility to be helped. Sadly, the victim may still succumb to SDS which may be triggered by something as innocent as a walk in the forrest.

Fortunately, much work is being done by those at risk of the syndrome in attempting to identify how the malignant transformation of benign democracy into malignant SDS occurs. There seems to be a growing understanding of the pathology of the disease and specifically the primary agent causing the transformation. The problem they are wrestling with at the moment is how to eradicate that agent once and for all. We must all wish them luck with that work.

Ed. The above is as credible as any previous explanation of the death of opponents of Vladimir Putin and in the current case, given the previous and various attempts on his life, more credible than any statement that has or will come out of the Kremlin on the matter. According to Wikipedia, in Mein Kampf Hitler talked about the source of the credibility of the colossal lie as being the fact people could not believe that someone “could have the impudence to distort the truth so infamously”. Clearly Putin has taken this lesson to heart. Whatever happens leaders in the West need to remember this particularly if the unthinkable happens in the United States next year.

One can only hope there is a circle of hell in which Putin spends eternity waking up each day to the knowledge that he will experience a new version of SDS and that it will be worse than the day before.

by

Up Europe!

“Woe, woe and thrice woe!” says “Senna the Soothsayer” Cameron. The economy will collapse, world war three will start and we will be cast into the outer wilderness on the fringe of Europe. On the other side of the debate Senator “Ludicrus Sextus” Johnson has a profound but unaccountable fixation with bananas and seems to feel they are proof positive that we should leave Europe.

 

Nauseus“Nausius” Osborne on the other hand has written an ode on the perils of  leaving Europe clarifying that it will cost every household four thousand three hundred sesterces in lost GDP. Of course this is the Nausius who found twenty-eight billion sesterces on the way home from the Forum but had lost it again before he got home!

Lots of very clever people have been supporting Nausius and Senna in the Treasury, the World Bank, the IMF, and the Bank of England. Sadly their track record on prediction does not inspire confidence. Not one of them spotted lending money to individuals with no incomes, jobs or assets, by banks that were ludicrously in debt might end in tears.

Just as the cry goes up “we need a vision”  who should step forward but “Preator” Gove setting out how sovereignty could be recovered and trade with the rest of the world established. Unfortunately it seemed to be set within a vision of a return to Imperial Preference and ultimately the Gold Standard. You could almost hear the strains of Land of Hope and Glory as he spoke.

“Lurcio” Corbyn has sensibly been keeping his head down. Whether it’s about not intruding on private grief or not wanting to stir up his own portion of that grief he seems to be avoiding the bofrankie-howerd-07ut of rhetoric inflation that has taken over the Tory Party.

If this is a decision which will shape the future of our country for the foreseeable future the quality of the debate about it has been derisory. It is of course a difficult issue. The leave campaign have the problem of trying to conjure up what a different world might look like when many of the actors that will have a role in that different world flatly contradict what they say. On the remain side the case is difficult because it starts from the premise that Europe is in principle a bad thing but then goes on to insist we would be insane to leave it in practice!

One worries that when it comes to the vote the “don’t give a damn’s” will have it.

There is a radical case for the UK remaining within Europe. It is a case which also requires a commitment to reform both of the UK’s semi-detached position and the accountability of the existing Community structures. It has been made interestingly by Yanis Varoufakis, the sometime Finance Minister for Greece, and by Martin Sandbu of the Financial Times. Whatever you may think of their politics, and I have no idea what Mr Sandbu’s are, at least they raise fundamental economic, social and political questions about the future of Europe and the UK’s role in it. These are the questions the electorate should be considering, not spurious predictions about the future that are impossible to verify ex ante. More of this anon.